The Horns of a Dilemma: Lesson in Critical Thinking

The anonymous writer of “My Friend or My Church—How Do I Choose?” describes a very difficult dilemma: She feels caught between her religion’s disapproval of homosexuality, and the fact that several of her friends are gay. It seems to her that to accept her religion she must reject her friends, or vice versa. In this lesson, students will explore the writer’s dilemma, and (we hope) some of their own.

Goal: Reduce “either/or” thinking; increase students’ complex, higher order thinking skills, including the capacity to hold two conflicting ideas in mind at once.

Materials: “My Friend or My Church—How Do I Choose?” story, blackboard/flip chart, paper, pens.

Methods: reading, note taking, guided discussion.

Pre-Reading Discussion: Write “Caught on the Horns of a Dilemma” on the board. Ask students if they know what it means, or ask them to volunteer guesses. Depending on how much they volunteer, you can clarify: The expression means that you have two bad choices, or that the benefits of making one choice are canceled out by the effect of not making the other choice. (You may want to tell them that the phrase may come from the idea choosing which one of a bull’s horns to grab if it is charging at you: no matter which you grab, the other one may still gore you.)

Students will show they understand the phrase by identifying times when they’ve been caught on the horns of a dilemma. Ask students to give examples of the “horns of a dilemma” they could imagine or have experienced. Here are a few examples to prompt them if needed:

• A girl is asked out by a boy that she really likes and wants to accept, but she knows that he’s going out with her best friend.

• A girl is pregnant and opposes abortion, but if she tells her parents she’ll be kicked out of the house.

• A boy wants to help his mother with the rent because she’s on the brink of eviction, but the only quick way to get the money is to sell drugs.
Press your students a bit to come up with their own dilemmas. For the above dilemmas, and the ones they come up with, ask them to identify the problem associated with each choice and how the two choices are in conflict.

Reading and activity: Introduce the story by explaining to the students that this writer faces a conflict between two values: loyalty to her church, and loyalty to friends and family. Ask students to write two headings, side by side at the top of a sheet of paper, titled: “Loyalty to church” and “Loyalty to friends/family.”

Tell them that you’re going to have them read a story out loud, and each time they see an example of “Loyalty to church” the students should write “church” in the margin. Each time they see an example of loyalty to friends/family they could write “friends” next to it. When you’re done reading, they will copy the “church” and “friends” sections into the columns on their sheet of paper. Tell them they have to find at least three examples for each column.

[Here are examples of what could go in the two columns. For “Church,” see especially paragraphs 1, 3, and 5 in the section “God and My Church Are There for Me.” For “Friends,” see paragraph 3 in the “Pastor said…” section, various lines from the “Straight Talk…” section, and various lines from the “I Have to Tell You Something…” section.]

When students have finished copying items into their columns, ask them to read aloud some items from each column. Use your comments to clarify the dilemma: The writer has tremendous loyalty to her church, but also to her mother, her mother’s friends, and especially to Julian and her other three gay friends.

Now ask students: “What’s the dilemma?” The simple answer is that her church thinks homosexuality is a sin. Meanwhile, she and her mother have many gay friends who they don’t see as “sinful.” But for the writer, the situation is actually a bit more complex. Push your students to see the complexities. Here are some examples. (You can get the students to focus on these by asking leading questions, if necessary.)

1) The writer does not think being gay is a choice, which makes her question whether it is a sin at all.

2) The writer worries that if she disagrees with her church on one issue then she might start to question more of the teachings, which she doesn’t want to do.

What do your students think of the writer’s logic? If being gay is not a choice—i.e., if God made people gay—should she question whether it is a sin? If you question one teaching of the church, do you have to question them all? Can you question some teachings and still be a member of the church? (To prompt this discussion, you might point out that many Catholics take birth control or get abortions, but still consider themselves Catholics, for example.)

Finally, ask the students how the writer resolves the problem. (She decides not to make a choice, for now, between friends and church.) Ask the class if they think this is a good resolution. Why or why not?

[Note: One could argue that the writer is being hypocritical to stay in her church if she disagrees with this teaching. Or, one could argue that no one is ever in complete agreement with any institution so keeping an open or skeptical mind is OK. There are many other possible arguments.] The important point is not for you or the students to take one position or another, but for the students to wrestle with the complexity and ambiguity and come up with good reasons for their opinions.

Also, students are sure to argue with the church’s teaching or with the writer’s belief that homosexuality is not a choice. Try to minimize those arguments. Whether they agree or disagree with the writer is not the point: that’s what the writer believes. You’re trying to guide them in how to think about an issue—divided loyalty—for which there may be no easy or right answer.

Follow-up assignment (short essay): Ask students to take one of the 3 examples above, such as the dating dilemma—or an example from their own life—and write a short essay. They can model it on the story by Anonymous. If you like, suggest this structure to them:

1. Introduce the dilemma by briefly explaining the two sides.

2. Write several paragraphs about one horn of the dilemma, just as Anonymous did. The section “God and My Church are There for Me” is a good model for them to follow.

3. Write several paragraphs about the other horn of the dilemma. The section “I Have to Tell You Something” could be a model.

4. Write a conclusion that summarizes the arguments and tells what they are going to do. (Use the “If I Choose, I Lose” section as a model.)
Remind students: In their final section, the students have three choices: a) They can resolve the dilemma by choosing one side or the other; b) they can find a “third way” to solve the problem that bypasses or resolves the dilemma; c) they can live with the contradiction, like Anonymous did.