Lesson: Writing Expressively

Story: “Rewriting the Script” by Alex Withers

Goal: Your group will see how some writers use metaphorical expressions like “drowning in money” to make their writing more effective.

Story summary: Alex describes his first foster care placement. He uses metaphorical language throughout to make his piece more vivid and enjoyable to read.

1. List these expressions on the board (before class meets).

Get off my back. = Leave me alone.
She is drowning in money. = She is rich.
My heart is broken. = I feel very sad.
My parents treat me like a prisoner. = My parents don’t let me do anything fun.

(As an alternative to listing both sides of the “equations” you can list only the left side and ask the group to come up with right side equivalents.)

2. Discuss metaphors. Point out that the left side expressions don’t really happen—someone may have once drowned in money or jumped on someone’s back to force them to do something but not very often. The author is comparing one thing (money) to another (water or something you can drown in). Explain that writers use these kinds of expressions because they think they give the reader a better sense of the emotions the writer is trying to convey.

3. Introduce story and explain lesson. Tell them they are going to read a story about a young man’s conflict with his foster mother. The story has several phrases that compare one thing with another. Their job is to identify and underline the phrase and think about another way to express the same emotion or idea. (You can also ask them to write down an alternative phrase on a piece of paper as they come across the metaphorical phrases.) See the teacher’s guide on the next page for a list of these phrases.

At this point give them another example: the title of the story in which the writer compares his life to a script. An alternative title would have been “Changing my life”—not nearly so expressive.

4. Read story. Give out the magazine and have them read the story. You can do this aloud by reading yourself or taking turns. Or you can have the students do silent reading.

5. Volunteers read their selections out loud and offer a substitute expression that is more literal. (If the volunteer can’t figure out a more literal expression, ask the group to make suggestions.) Ask them which expression they prefer.

6. Writing assignment. Tell students to write a one-page letter to a friend about what they did last Saturday. The letter should contain three or more metaphorical expressions.

Teacher’s Guide to Metaphors in the Story

Column 1
“She kinda looks like the Grinch who stole Christmas”
“I felt like my freedom was snatched while I wasn’t looking.”
The entire paragraph right below the sub head “Could I Trust Her” comparing his life to a story line written by someone else.

Column 2
“I sealed myself off from her by enclosing myself in an emotional envelope.”

Column 3
“…the house was like a children’s jail.”

Column 4
“I looked down and froze”

Column 5
“…hoping she’d just go back in her cave and hibernate.”
“…staying off our backs.”
“So we played the game right along with Rose…”
“…she started playing the same old record.”

Column 6
“Seriously, because Rose was talking about us like we were animals.”
“I wasn’t going to just sit there like a lump on a log…”
“I brainstormed…”

Column 7
“…my only weapon was avoidance.”